the minnesota review n.s. 48-49 (1998)

Edward J. Endicott

What I Learned Before I Went to College

Wizards, Warriors & You promotes violence and acceptance and involvement in occult practices.

We drank Christ's Blood and ate His Body at Church every Sunday.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings complains explicit passages involving child molesting and rape.

Maya Angelou recited a poem when President Clinton went into office.

Secret Spells and Curious Charms is a manual for those who want to become Satanists.

According to published reports, Ronald and Nancy Reagan used astrology.

Changing Bodies, Changing Lives contains graphic language and condones abortion as a tool for birth control.

The textbook in my eighth grade Morality Class reported that in China, they chop off the heads of babies if they aren't boys.

Caleb and Kate depicts a dismal outlook on marriage and life.

Eight is Enough and The Waltons got canceled on television.

The Moves Make the Man uses racist terms in the dialogue that is offensive to black students.

Reagan suggests I am not Mexican or Chicano. I am Hispanic and that is how my race should be reported on all federal forms.

Woman Called Moses has strong language.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech was a strong influence on the equal rights movement.

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Family Health contains explicit line drawings of sexual intercourse positions.

We study the reproductive habits of a frog in science class.

Tales of Mystery: Folk Tales from Around the World has to do with a lot of oppressed character and might not be good for someone with low self-esteem.

Santa Claus doesn't exist. The Easter Bunny is a lie. The Tooth Fairy is actually Mom.

How We Are Born, How We Grow, How Our Bodies Work, and How We Learn contains two pages on the reproductive process that are objectionable.

I went to visit my uncle and found his Playboys under the bathroom sink.

The Clan of the Cave Bear contains a rape scene.

My older brother got in trouble because he had sex with the baby-sitter and she wasn't old enough.

The Dead Zone contains dirty situations and filthy language.

I learn deodorant is necessary to keep from smelling.

It contains explicit sexual acts, violence, and profane language.

I do it for the first time.

Family Secrets contains constant references to the sex act and inappropriate foul language.

Mom tells me grandma got pregnant out of wedlock and grandpa isn't her real dad.

Random House Thesaurus of Slang is available only through limited access.

What a drag.

A Girl Named Sooner has explicit sexual content.

Mom got me a subscription to National Geographic.

The Lords of Discipline contains profane language and describes sadomasochistic acts.

My mom used to spank me when I was bad.

Coma is obscene and encourages the maltreatment of women and radical feminism.

The person who delivers our mail is a postal worker and we shouldn't use gender specific nouns.

Wellness: Stress Management cites yoga and TM as ways to reduce stress but fails to mention Christian Prayer.

I find no matter how much I pray, my grades on tests depend solely on how hard I study.

Revolting Rhymes contains fractured fairy tales that are offensive and inappropriate for children.

Jack murdered the Giant.

The Witches promotes the occult and is too frightening for children.

The counselors tell us ghost stories around the fire at camp.

Tales from Scandinavia has to do with a lot of negative things and might not be good for someone with low self-esteem or suicidal tendencies.

My best friend got pregnant and had an abortion so she wouldn't have to drop out of school.

Killing Mr. Griffin contains disgusting violence and profanity.

I made it to the fourteenth level in Mortal Kombat.

The Great Brain contains a discussion of suicide.

Ernest Hemingway blew his head off.

The Boy Who Drank Too Much tolerates alcohol consumption by minors and alleged sexism.

Published reports state the Kennedys made their fortune smuggling alcohol during the prohibition.

Snow White contains graphic violence especially when a hunter kills a wild boar and a wicked witch orders Snow White's heart torn out.

I always have to clean the fish when my Uncle takes me fishing.

Voodoo and Hoodoo is a recipe for spells.

If you mix vinegar and baking soda it produces a gas. If you mix the two and seal them in a two-liter bottle, it will explode.

A Light in the Attic features a caricature of a person whose nude behind has been stung by a bee. The poem "Little Abigail and the Beautiful Pony" is morbid.

Sam likes green eggs and ham and The Grinch stole Christmas.

Endless Love contains explicit pornographic passages and adult material for teenage readers.

Dad always told me to act like a man when I got hurt.